The DailySmirk
Friday, July 17, 2026Truth took the day offUpdated whenever reality gets too confident
World Oddities

Town Installs New Year’s Resolution Drop Box, Immediately Files for Overtime

Officials said the box became overwhelmed after receiving 4,000 promises to start Monday.

Officials said the box became overwhelmed after receiving 4,000 promises to start Monday.

The municipal drop box was installed shortly before midnight and reportedly began making a low groaning sound by breakfast. City workers found thousands of resolutions involving gym memberships, unread books, and plans to finally organize a drawer containing batteries from 2007.

The mayor declared the program a success because residents had participated enthusiastically and nobody had asked how results would be measured.